i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
handjob tips. give me some.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
