I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
