U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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