i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
