I just threw up on my dentist
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
