and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
