Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
