He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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