every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
