you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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