I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
