remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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