he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
