how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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