I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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