I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
