i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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