Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
