You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
