he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
