FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
did i walk over a car last night?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
