It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
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I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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