Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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