I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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