New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
