Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
