I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
