break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I CAN MOONWALK!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
