My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
