You work out of a Hotel?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
