Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
