my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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