i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
