I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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