afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
