What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
