She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
