Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
