yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
