Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
