He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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