we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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