dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
