found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
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Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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