The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I CAN MOONWALK!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
