I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
