im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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