1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
