I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
