just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
