The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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