the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
