I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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