It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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