why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
